i'm as good as ever.

it just took me awhile to remember that i'm a solid citizen (i steal this term unabashedly from angelina. it works). i'm golden, really. i think it is paramount to remember that in all things. i am okay. and no more of this comparative feeling. this, yeah i'm bad but you're worse. no, fuck that. i don't live your life, i don't handle your shit. you do. i don't want to bounce my current of your current. we are not one.

i'm golden.

it's funny. right now i'm looking sharp from the ankles up, but my feet were cold so i stuck them in some furry slippers. feels good. i want to go out like this. surprise, i'm not as suave as you thought.

tonight some guy came up to me and told me i was hot shit like i hadn't worked it out already. it gave me pause, because my initial response was irritation. i did not simper. it was the way he said it. like it was more about bestowing me with his sterling praise, for which i was to be thankful, than for giving me some sort of acknowledgment or genuine recognition of Hot Shit in another person. so i talked back. i am mouthy. but i thought about it, and i thought about how that wasn't very fulfilling. spiritually, maybe. so i stopped him as he went to leave and apologized. i apologized because it wasn't my place to reprimand a person for that kind of arrogance. that arrogance that assumes you wouldn't have already grinned at yourself as you were styling your hair. i had to dwell on the implications of that. how much of my irritation was about my own (not to get too therapeutic lingo on you here, but..) self-belief? do i assume that others assume etc. i haven't fully thought it through yet, so gimme some time and i will get back to this.


i just wanted to check in though. nothing flashy. just wanted to tell you that, while i'm trying to fix some of the less attractive particulars of my situation, on all fronts i'm pretty much.. golden.