so what if my mood is violent? so what if i rage against anything you impose on me.

we are alone here and it feels like death. all the arches are empty. so what if i occasionally feel murderous. there is almost nothing keeping me here. almost nothing between where i am now and where the others end up. you can hear my resolve snapping. i don't sleep. i don't eat. every comma predicts a finale. what comes next. the question i cannot avoid. the question i cannot hide from. i hear it in every song and every story. i hear it everywhere.

what next?

nothing. all i wanted from you was something quiet. something quick and empty that left me smiling. and you fucked up. you were supposed to be disinterested. you were supposed to be familiar and distant and easy. when did you change the rules? when the fuck did this become about us and not just you and not just me? you messed up in the only way possible. i laid it out and all you had to do was follow the plan. according to plan. things are not running according to plan. because you messed up. you made it about us and how we feel and what we think about the situation. there was never a we. there is still no we. it was all about me from the start. just me and what i wanted. and you messed up. now watch me break your heart all over you. watch my face and tell me if i flinch.

let's write this like a soap.