i'm not really much of anything right now. i have been having a lot of sex. a lot of something that alludes to sex. and i pretty much just occupy myself with sex-related activities in between all the sex i'm having. i make my text messages as dirty as possible. i dish out heavy double entendres.

there is a lot of sex, is what i'm saying.

i realised earlier that i've lost everything i built up in my head since 2004. i lost my empire. the characters and connections just died out and blew up. they're gone. i don't even work words anymore. there's nothing pretty to look at. i developed some sort of style, i had a vague rhythm and flow once upon a time and now it's gone. it's all gone.

i fucked it out, maybe.

i have this chance at a normal day-to-day, you know? i'm in love and i sleep and i go out and drink grande mocha latte fucking floats or whatever yuppie beverage you wanna slip in there. i wear short skirts; sacrifice my modesty for self-claimed sass and flick my hair liberally at traffic lights.

there's nothing there though. i'm not content with this. i'm wasting my muscle and my mind.

i think i want to write music.